Beaker has trust issues ...

Poor poor Beaker.
Everyone is always out to get him.
Didn't know that? Just ask Beaker.

So today Beaker got a check he receives for doing delivery of some of the Muppet Daily News' special editions, products, etc.
Happy, happy, joy joy - extra money. Right?
Of course not!

Immediately, he wants more.
He's like that insurance commercial.
"I want more, I want more, I really like money, I want more."
That's Beaker's interpretation of "Thank you."

The next inevitable step - and it took less than 30 seconds this time - is "It's not enough."

Somehow, Beaker loves to assume I'm trying to steal his money.
Odd, since first of all, it's not MY money I'm giving him, it's the company's.
Secondly, and I told him straight-out, it is exactly the same amount he received for doing the work in the past two years.
Thirdly, after this many years of dealing with him, I'd pay him anything I could to just get him to shut up and go away.

"LIAR LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE!!!"

(well, okay, he said it with more colorful words, including that stuff that comes out of a male cow's butt, but I chose to hear the 'pants on fire' part.)

I know there is no arguing with Beaker.
First of all who can understand all his "meep-meep-money-meep" talk?
And no matter what I say, it's not going to be right.
Because Beaker is never wrong.
At least in Beaker's mind.

So I give him a few options:
1. Call Fozzie and ask him. I paid what he said.
2. Want to look at my Quickbooks, so you can see with your beady Muppet eyes that yes, it is the same amount?
3. Want to talk about the stuff you get paid twice for, in comparison?

So Beaker, the money-whore-Muppet, grumbles off, potty-mouth-meeping.
I don't care ... at least he left.
Obviously he didn't pick options 2 or 3.
Because evidentiary proof is so, well, hard to argue against.
Poor Fozzie.
I'm sure his cell phone is a-ringing.
Hopefully he looks at caller-ID first.

Vertically Challenged Eyes

Waldorf, one of our resident Muppets here at the Muppet Daily News, needs more paperclips.

In her amazingly challenging task of doing tearsheets (reference many, many earlier blog entries on that subject), she needs to paperclip the copies of the ads to the invoices.

But alas, she needs more little paperclips.

She looks on the "supply shelves" in the office. Nope, doesn't see any there.
Which is strange, since I know they're there.
She sees the "Jumbo" paper clips, but not the regular sized ones.
And she wants/needs the regular sized ones.

Waldorf (standing in front of the shelves): "I don't see any little ones."

Me: Are you sure? I know they're there.

Waldorf (staring again at the shelves): "No, I checked. There are jumbos, but no regular sized ones."

Me (knowing we just got in 10 boxes of them): "Waldorf, did you check all the shelves?" 

(**please note there are only four shelves, about 5 inches deep and maybe, at most 3 feet wide... we're not talking cavernous area to check)

Waldorf: "Yes I looked. They aren't here."

So I walk over to the shelves. There, on the third shelf (which is just slightly above eye level for the average height Muppet, and Waldorf is average height) sits a group of ten boxes of "normal" paperclips.

Me: "Umm.. Waldorf? They're right there."

Waldorf: "Oh ... (pause) ... thank you. I didn't look up. I only checked this shelf" (pointing to the one that was at eye level).

Oh yeah, vacation is over. I'm back ... sigh.

A week away comes to an end

I've been away from the Muppet Daily News for a week.
One whole, glorious week as of today.
And one more day to go.
Vacation is awesome!

The break from the Muppet Daily News has been important, and long overdue.
Sadly - for Fozzie anyway - this has made me realize I really do need to take more breaks.
As in using my vacation time.
Since I have two whole glorious weeks still to use by the end of December, that should make it interesting.

(and that's not even discussing the mythical, but legally required, comp-time. Summing that one up in two words: ELEVEN WEEKS)

Don't get me wrong - I really do enjoy working at the Muppet Daily News.
And since I've been put in an "Editorial Time-Out," it was nice to actually have the time to do MY job.
I enjoy writing and taking photographs. I really do.
And if that was my primary job, there wouldn't be any question.
But it's not. And when I lose so much time during the week to do that job (the secondary job of writing), I don't get my primary job (financial wizard) done.
And when that happens, and the schnitzel starts flying, I'm the one getting hit by weird German food.
Unappealing.

Anyway... back to the break from the MDN. I took a week off and, solo, I wandered.
I would have rather wandered with my sibling partner in crime, but that was impossible, so I wandered solo.
And in doing so, I unwound. I unstressed. Even driving through the bizarre traffic patterns of Boston, I relaxed.

Most importantly, I rediscovered my laughter. My smile. My work-to-live, instead of my live-to-work.

And Monday, the nine days of freedom come to an end.
In some ways, I can't wait to see.
I'm sure Pepe the King Prawn has been in rare form.
I'm sure he's going to be a demanding tyrant.
In other words, the same old Pepe the King Prawn as always.

And Beaker, ahh, dear demented Beaker.
As his summer winds down, he gets absolutely mental.
Well, MORE mental.

Unfortunately for them, I'm not going to take the bait.
They can just deal with it.
Make a list.
I'll get to it.
When I'm done the "have-to's"

Can't wait to see what mischief and mistakes Statler and Waldorf have gotten into.
What issues they've caused.
How many "I don't know why it happened but..." moments there are.
Let's see... my guess would be ..hmm.. the credit card machine, the billing system, at least one voicemail/call transfer problem, no less than six "Can't find this one" tearsheet questions, and a few surprises.

I haven't missed the insanity.
More importantly, I've enjoyed rediscovering my sanity.
Now the key will be holding onto it when the madness in Muppetland begins again.
That, and start counting days til my next vacation.

Miss Piggy moves on

Miss Piggy is moving on from the Muppet Daily News, to bigger and brighter lights.

How will we ever go on?
Just fine, thanks, but I know the bigger question is how will Miss Piggy survive in the big cruel world outside of our little corner.

Don't get me wrong ... Miss Piggy does a very good job, and has mad-crazy skills.
Work-skills.
As in technical job skills.

But otherwise?
Miss Piggy is in for a rude awakening.  The real world, out there, isn't like the Muppet Daily News.
The real world doesn't have a dress code that basically consists of "wear clothes ... please."
The real world doesn't let a person - even a highly skilled Muppet diva - take a 20 minute break only 15 minutes after they show up to work. And another 3 or 4 20-minute breaks throughout the rest of the day ...
.... in addition to a paid hour lunch break.

Sure there are some down sides to the Muppet Daily News world we live in.
We have some high strung, ornery, obstinate my-way-or-no-way Muppets working here.

Miss Piggy should know that though....
Because Miss Piggy is one of them.
In fact, Miss Piggy is one of their leaders.

And I think Miss Piggy may find that Diva-licious attitude doesn't translate well to the real world.
Where temper tantrums - oh, I'm sorry, "artistic temperment expressions" - are frowned upon.
Where saying things without thinking first - particularly if you are in a leadership position - are frowned upon.
Or litigious.

So good luck out there, in the big cruel world, Miss Piggy.
I know you're waiting to take it on.
I just hope you realize it's not waiting for you in the way you expect.
The big, cruel world doesn't realize how FANTABULOUS you are.

But I have no doubt you will be sure to tell them.
Over and over again.