Our own Grilled Cheesus.

The surgeon called my sister Kathy last night, to change the date of her surgery from Wednesday to Friday.
Kathy decided to have some fun with it, when telling Mom ... and so she called and told Mom the surgeon "Cancelled" the surgery because, Kathy said, he "saw a face" in the lump on the back of her neck and wanted more tests first.

Not thinking clearly, evidently, I decided to tell Statler and Waldorf (who both know Kathy) about what Kathy did to Mom.
It should be noted that I explained to them before beginning the story that Kathy told Mom this as a joke.

So Statler got the joke.
Waldorf, however, was deeply concerned, because there shouldn't be a face in Kathy's neck-blob.
"What does he think it is," Waldorf asked. "Is it a person?"

At times like these, I begin to chant the "Why? Why? Why did I even go there?"

So, I told Waldorf that it is kind of like when people see Jesus in their grilled cheese, or the Virgin Mary on a piece of fruit. That we are wondering if it is a way they are letting Kathy know she is blessed. Because "Of course" we can't think of any other way or reason there would be a face in this mass on her neck.

Sometimes it is almost too easy, seriously.

So now I am fairly certain Waldorf believes that Kathy has a blob-with-a-face growing in the back of her neck, despite three or four times telling her "She was kidding. She was pulling a joke on my mom."

Sigh.

Here's Your Sign....ers.

So Beaker comes into my office.
"I need a check for Blah-Blah-Blah Company. He's coming to get it today," he meeped.

"Okay, Beaker, except one small problem," I told him. "It's a two-signature check and only one of the signers is here."

"Okay," he meeped. "So he can get the check this afternoon?"

"No, he can't. The check has to have two signatures on it. Only one of the people that can sign it is here, and that's me," I try again.

"Well, he's coming to get it," Beaker meeped.

"Well he can have the check all he wants to," I explained. "But the bank won't cash it. TWO signatures. ONE signer."

"I told him he can get the check," Beaker continues. "Fozzie said he could."

"Well, Fozzie didn't sign a check before he left, so Fozzie was wrong."

"Okay, well when he gets here, I'll tell him to see you for the check."

"He can see me, unless I'm invisible, but it's not going to get him a check," I explain again.

"Can't you sign it," Beaker asks.

"Yes I can. Can you count to two?"

(as a side-note, the Blah-Blah Company guy just got here, and yes, indeed, Beaker just sent him to my desk, to get the check. Luckily, the Blah-Blah guy can count to two and understands it. Beaker, however, is still mystified. I think he needs to start hanging out more with The Count.)

Fun with Voicemail

This morning, Statler was picking up voicemail. Same system we've had for about 8 years. Same method, same password, same everything.

Statler: How do I pick up my voicemail?
Me: Do you know your password?
Statler: Yes, extension 100.
Me: No, not your extension, your password.
Statler: What would that be?
Me: When you call in to pick up your messages, that code you punch in, and then it plays your messages.
Statler: That's my password?
Me: Yes. Do you know what it is?
Statler: Yes, extension 100.

(insert a few deep breaths here)

Me: (walking over to stand beside Statler at the desk)  Okay, go through the steps to pick up your voicemail, like you always do.
(Statler picks up the phone, hits the button for voicemail and starts listening to the recording)
Statler: Okay, it wants my password (reaches down and types in her password code, like she's known it all along)
Me: Okay, good, so now you can get your messages.
Statler: It says I don't have any messages.
Me: Was your 'message' light blinking on the phone?
Statler: No, but I always have messages from the weekend. I figured the little light wasn't working.

(walk away, shaking my head, straight to the bottle of Excedrin)

People wonder why I get migraines?

Decided to pull out, and add, some past Muppet highlights...


April 16:
Statler and Waldorf are trying to figure out how to "save" a Word document. Not going anywhere for a while? Grab a Snickers.

Old dogs and old Muppets

The saying is "you can't teach an old dog new tricks."
While I may not always believe it to be true, in the case of teaching old Muppets new tricks, it is 100 percent accurate. Sitting in my little corner of the work-world -- working a supposed "day off," which happens all too often lately -- I get constant reminders of that.

Today's examples include highly technical accounting and billing aspects. Won't you play along?

Example One:  Telling Waldorf to search for accounts in the system by last name, rather than phone number.
Granted, when the screen comes up, the first line is "Phone Number," but just two little lines below it is that ever popular (except to Statler and Waldorf) "LAST NAME" entry.
Why is it so important? Because some people now have two, three, four accounts, because they give their out of state number, local phone number, cell phone number, work phone number, and who knows what else.
When I point it out to Waldorf -- usually right after she asks someone "What is the phone number?" -- her response is "I do go by last name."
Really? Then why didn't you ask name instead of phone number?
Why when I'm posting payments in the system, am I finding new customers with more multiple accounts?
It's really not a hard concept; we all have last names (well, excluding Cher, Madonna, Beyonce and a few other famous people, but I'm fairly certain none of them have placed classified ads in our newspapers).
When I point out that she didn't do it, she gets all miffed and whiny: not a good look for anyone, not even a worn out Muppet.

Am I crazy? I don't think so. Am I asking too much? I didn't think so, but evidently I am ... because, as she told me, "If they didn't want us to go by phone number, it wouldn't be the first line on the screen."
I'm not sure who "they" are, or how she knows their intention ... but I know that each month, I can count on more and more customers having more and more accounts in the system.
Because you can't teach old Muppets new tricks .... no matter how simple, or how many times you try.

Muppet Intro

There are some people who should never be allowed near computers.
I work with two of them., affectionately known as "Statler & Waldorf."
Every day is a new and exciting day, watching them discover and demonstrate their total inability to use and understand anything more technological than a crayon.
Since I've been told to "Play Nice," this shall be my outlet of Magical Muppet Moments.
As adventures take place - like the baffiling "save as" on their computer screen - they shall find a home on this page.